I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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