Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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