Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
