I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
