I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
