Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
