theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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