CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
