guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
