she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
