I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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