My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
