Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
