WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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