forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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