im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
