Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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