i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
