Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize
