So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
