Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
