What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
