tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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