Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
