I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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