how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
worst night to have a conscience
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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