piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
