I wish I could teleport
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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