a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
