She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
