Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
