Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
