He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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