they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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