oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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