I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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