i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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