I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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