Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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