stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
