i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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