i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
