Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
