Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
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FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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