just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
