I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
