And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The air taste purple.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize