And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
