i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
