i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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