I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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