So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
