8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I came so hard my ears popped.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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