before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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