she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
