Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
