I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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