Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
