i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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