two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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