I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
