he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
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they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
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The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So vagazzling was a success
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