im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
being pregnant is like rehab
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
