I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I deserve this hangover.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
