Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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