Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
