I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize