Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
