Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
