Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My ass is underappreciated
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
