I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
