Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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