In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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