Clothes are such an inconvenience.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
