That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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