Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
