he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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