Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
